Through It All – James and Becky’s Adoption Story

We have known James and Becky since their college days and were thrilled when they were the first couple to meet with the newly formed Victorious Hope Adoption Consulting. Life transitions put the start of their adoption journey on hold for a time but when they were ready, they jumped right in. As always, none of us had any idea what twisted paths their journey would take. Through it all, they were faithful and steadfast. What a blessing to see their adoption finalized in 2018! Here is their story, in Becky’s words:

“December 21, 2018 was the beautiful, sunny, perfect culmination of our adoption journey. It was an unseasonably warm day where we got all dressed up and walked into the courthouse where we met friends and family and sat before a judge as she declared our little one to officially be our daughter, part of our family, co-heirs with our sons, officially taking our last name. I thought I’d cry but I was smiling too much. Oh the joy and the celebration!

 

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She grew in our hearts for years, dare I say, over a decade before she actually joined our family! James and I, even while dating talked about adoption and how we are grateful to be adopted as sons and daughters of the most high God, how we are co-heirs with Christ and about how important family is to both of us and how we’d love to extend family to those little ones that need family. 

James and I had two biological children first but the burn for adoption still radiated in our hearts so we began the process with Victorious Hope Adoption Consultants. John and Cindy King are near and dear to our hearts. We loved seeing their family come together through adoption and we trusted their experience to help guide us on our journey. 

The journey though, was fraught with a mess of experiences and emotions. We started the paperwork process in May, 2016 and after completing the home study were quickly matched in September 2016. But only a week later had our first failed placement when the birth mother reported the baby was born but then disappeared. That was our first heartbreak but we knew God’s story wasn’t ending there. 

At the beginning of November, 2016 we were matched with a birth mom in Florida and we immediately felt the love grow in our hearts for this little one. We met the birth mom in February 2017 and then the baby was born in April. We flew to Florida and got to meet that sweet baby boy and spend time with him before the birth mama changed her mind and decided to parent. We were devastated. We loved that baby and believed him to be ours and didn’t understand what happened or why we were experiencing such loss. It was a dark and depressing several weeks after that failed placement. I felt the pain of loss that I can only imagine is what a birth mother would feel…God granted me a kind of compassion for birth mothers that I hadn’t known before. He also granted me the strength to forgive. And beyond a shadow of a doubt, God was holding us and surrounding us with a community of brothers and sisters that lifted us up and carried us through with prayers, love and support.

My wounds were still fresh when we were presented with a third situation in Tennessee – a sweet baby boy who had already been born. We thought perhaps this was it…perhaps this is what God had prepared us for. Unfortunately we traveled to Tennessee twice to attend a court hearing in which the birth mother didn’t show up and we experienced our third failed placement. By this time we were weary and I even prayed that God would take away the desire for adoption because it hurt too much.

In August, 2017 we met a fourth expectant mama and talked about an adoption plan, but she too changed her mind by the end of September. I questioned my understanding of God and his tug on my heart.

In October 2017 we met with a fifth birth mama and agreed on a mutual adoption plan. I walked through that pregnancy with her, yes as an adoptive resource, but more confidently as a support person who would be there for her throughout her pregnancy. Perhaps out of protection for my own heart, I reframed my role and worked hard to care for that birth mama, no matter what. 

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In April 2018, baby girl was born. She was delivered into my arms and it was surreal and even a little bit scary to hold her for the first time. I was afraid to believe she was ours. I got to be with her and care for her in the hospital and she was released into our home. I didn’t realize I was holding my breathe until the parents signed consent to adopt but after that I was able to breathe deeply and tell our sweet girl that I loved her. Our little girl is our reminder to remain steadfast through the trials. She is our reminder that God is with us in the midst of our pain. And although we don’t understand why we went through all of the heart break, we can see God’s love for us through it all.”

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